Vim and Vigor

I woke up this morning rarin' to go, or at least rarin' to convince myself I was rarin' to go. I popped out of bed, hit the floor and immediately started moving, determined that today I will attack that which has confounded me and knock out all the work that has piled up around me.

So far it's going well. My throat hurts, but that can't really be helped. I typed up a weekend list for Penny, which I haven't done nearly often enough lately. I'm gonna write the assignments that need writin', handle the stuff that needs handlin', and generally get myself back on track.

For the past few weeks I've just felt off, like I wasn't really myself and I've been waiting for something. I don't know what it could have been.

When people would listen to me in conversations I'd get suddenly sheepish, like I didn't really have anything to say and was hoping the attention would shift off me soon. When I'd promise to do something I felt like I was bluffing, like I wasn't really qualified and that eventually I'd get found out.

And, of course, nothing really changed. I just decided to do better, today, and now I'm doing my best to sustain the feeling - because, just as sure as self-doubt and the sense of life being overwhelmingly difficult will snowball on you if left unattended, this artificial confidence and go-get-em-ness will quickly be replaced by the real thing.

I hope.