A Worthy Adversary

Ooh, cellular phone provider, you are a sly one.

I must say, I fell for your ruse - you did shrewdly convince me that I would receive a generous rebate on my Motorola model V551, provided that I but fill out the necessary forms and mail them to your offices in a timely fashion. And this promise does, strictly speaking, hold true: there will be a rebate remanded to me, and it will indeed offset the initial investment I made to purchase your bleeping plastic capsule of whizbang gimcrackery. The catch, as it were, just initially eluded me.

"Rebate form must be accompanied by a copy of the Sales Receipt (-check), a copy of the Wireless Service Agreement (-check) and a copy of the UPC panel from the side of the project packaging (-check as well; I even made sure I included the proper UPC code with the proper documentation, as my wife and I purchased identical phones on the same order)." All was copacetic. Then I read on:

"...You must also include a copy of a monthly bill, indicating no outstanding balance and no interruption in service, dated no earlier than 150 days from the date of your activation and no later than 300 days. Payment will arrive via check in 10-12 weeks; if check is not deposited within ninety days of receipt payment will be deactivated."


But I will comply; I shall hop through the hoops you have arrayed for me. Your challenge is well met - I have already filled out all the pertinent documents, save for the fateful phone bill dated September, 2005, and you may be assured that the moment I receive this final file it will be duly photocopied, in quadruplicate, tucked into the appropriate envelopes and forwarded to the PO Boxes of your specification, bearing more than sufficient postage.

Upon receipt of your promised rebate checks, I will proceed directly to the nearest financial institution and cash or deposit them forthwith.

I think that I shall spend the money on a decent-sized bottle of victory champagne, unless your rebate submission guidelines dictate otherwise.

Ah, wirelessworld.net, you magnificent bastard. I read your fine print.


Thomas said...

I may need a blog of my own for this comment, but here goes:

Sprint Sucks.

In December, my phone broke. I bought a new one after much discussion because I was 35 days away from being eligible for a 150$ rebate, according to 'their rules.' They said ok.

I filled in the form, and 40+ days later, the rebate branch wrote that my rebate was not valid because my phone plan was less than 34.99 per month. Wasn't that their responsibility to tell me when I renewed the plan in order to become eligible. Sprint sayeth: "You should have read the agreement."

Only the beginning of my problems. I change my plan, get the money eventually. See, the 34.99 per month plan was for fair&flexible, where you can go over your minutes by 100 and only pay 5 bucks. Instead of 40. But if you go 101, it's 10. Anyways, I digress.

My bill comes. It's 40, not 5. I bitch, I moan, I get redirected to billing. They say that they could IN NO WAY HELP. I realize I was pawned off by some foreigner who didn't want to work today. I get resent to Customer Service, and finally a lady named Melissa fixes my situation. Or so I thought!

At the end of our conversation, after changing my plan, and the bill, she offers another phone line. I say, "No thanks, my wife already has her own account, and I have no need."

Monday a phone arrives. WTF, Sprint. I call to find the above (WTF), and the lady says (not the same lady) that it's only 20 bucks more a month. Finally she relents, and says they'll send a pickup package.

RIDICULOUS. The saga will continue.

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