Curse You, Shawn Carter!

Now, a man is entitled to call himself whatever fanciful names he can come up with, and that goes double for rappers. But this morning one esteemed Jigga Man got me into trouble with the Mrs., and that I can't abide.

*****

She's sitting at her desk, browsing real estate listings online. I'm eating cereal. I see on her screen that a bedroom in one particularly promising home features a large wall decoration over the bed, consisting of two letters which are easily legible, even from across the room.

"J.C." I say, slurping up the last of my Honey Crisp Oh!s. "I guess He sleeps there, huh?"

"What?" Lope says, not turning away from the monitor. "Jay-Z lives there? What are you talking about?"

I finish my breakfast and head toward the sink, explaining myself. I do not actually believe that Jiggaman himself beds down in that exact room each night. "Jay Cee" I stress. "Those initials."

We then discuss people's fondness for abbreviating Jesus Christ's name to that two-letter appellation, and wonder if this had anything to do with the Brooklyn rap artist's decision to go by "Jay-Z" in particular.

"One thing's for sure," I say. "It was pretty stupid when he started calling himself "'Jay-Hova.' That's one dumb name."

Lope, not fully paying attention, remains silent at this insightful and ingenious observation of mine, and I slink off into the bedroom to find myself a sweater.

When I come back, she's still home searching quietly. I prod her for a response. "Don't you think that's stupid, Lope? The whole 'Hova' thing?"

"Actually," she says, "I'm kind of offended. That's kind of offensive of you to say, I think."

"It is?"

"Making fun of God? Yes."

"No!" I say. "Jay-Z! Jay-Z started calling himself 'Hova' and all that a few years back. That's what I was making fun of."

"Oh," says Lope.

"Not Jehovah ... I can't believe you thought I was just running around the apartment, mocking deities."

She nods, still scanning real estate listings. It is no use. Lope is offended. The self-appointed Greatest MC of All Time has ruined my morning.

Thanks a lot, Jay-Z.