Marital Advice from a Newlywed

Drawing on my full seven months of spousehood, I'd now like to share the secret of wedded harmony.

My wife was real cranky at lunch. Real cranky. She gave me guff about writing about my coworker in the last entry here, and insisted that I never write about her, and went on to declare that I hate her and want to kill her. This is not true.

Two sentences into a story of mine from this morning, she concluded that my job "sucked a bunch of trash-rump." (Thank goodness it's my last day.)

She sternly reprimanded the cat for *thinking about* meowing, claiming he had that look on his face and that his little nonexistent cat lips were parted ever so slightly.

And eventually, she threw a mini-fit about, if you can believe this, a fun-for-all Holiday singalong going on this evening, happening at the same time we really should be packing for our road trip to sunny South Carolina tomorrow.

Now, most people who are unreasonably cranky to me - coworkers, phone callers, hostesses in restaurants, etc. - get treated accordingly, with snide remarks and an occasional shove into the pricker bushes.

But you know what I did to Penny? I hugged her, and assured her that everything would be fine, and that I don't want to kill her at all. I kissed her and insisted that our houshold spousal policy is that no kisses are to be refused and all must be returned in kind. She wisely complied.

The way I see it, marriage isn't about being reasonable. It's about being kind.

And besides, next time I'm being a total jerk, I know she'll put up with me too.