Menacing Packaging

Color me reactionary, but I think there's something sort of savage about labeling canned pineapple as being suspended "in its own juice."

In fact, the next time a pineapple, or any tropical fruit for that matter, gets on my bad side, I'm yanking it up by its leafy stem and yelling:

"Hey! Watch it buddy! Or so help me I will flay your husk, chop you up in bite-size chunks and marinate your sorry ass in YOUR OWN JUICE!"