Oral Hygiene, Culinary Aspects of

This morning I had a dentist's appointment at 10 o'clock. It went okay.

I ended up buying a special toothbrush and agreeing to be fitted for a special mouthpiece I'll have to wear when I sleep, because apparently I grind - or "gnash," as the dentist put it - my teeth at night. This is no good.

I wonder what I've been dreaming about lately to make me clench my jaw with all my slumbering might. I rarely remember my dreams.

They say if you dream about losing your teeth, it has to do with money - losing all your money, I'd assume. I can see how the two go together, having just paid a hefty dentist's bill.

Lunch was tricky. We grilled bratwurst, which is not difficult, but the next part, the eating part, took some effort.

You just can't absentmindedly shove food in your face once you start thinking - I mean really thinking, about your teeth. I pictured ketchup and mustard smearing across the enamel, and the bun wedging its way between my incisors, as the pickle juice corroded my gums...

That was the worst bratwurst I ever had.

I wouldn't be surprised if I dreamed about it tonight, grinding my teeth like I guess I always do, gnashing my molars against the microscopic residue of my toxic lunch.