Hanging Out With Mason

Things I Didn't Get To Do This Weekend
Because We Brought Along An 11-Year-Old

* Go out sailing and drinking beer on a lake
* Hang out on my back porch and do nothing
* Make Margaritas for Penelope and me
* Take a quick nap on the couch
* Attend a cookout with friends
* Read magazines at my leisure
* Check off household tasks from my list
* Curse at the driver who came to a complete stop and then turned right
* Watch the movie I wanted instead of "The Pacifier" with Vin Diesel
* Kiss my wife on the neck for half an hour

Things I Got To Do This Weekend
Because We Brought Along An 11-Year-Old

* Watch my dog run through grass with a new best friend
* Fasten an oversized motorcycle helmet onto a smiling passenger
* Jump over speedbumps and hear little cheers coming from behind me
* Explain the concept of sarcasm as "the tone of everything your 16-year-old sister says"
* Smuggle seven dollars' worth of candy into a dollar-fifty movie
* Have someone to keep me company while waiting for Penelope to try on swimsuits
* Show off my home theater to an impressed audience, using a racecar movie Penelope hates
* Light off fireworks in the backyard at 11 p.m. - only the quiet ones so we wouldn't wake the neighbors
* Get excited about spotting a brand-new bright-orange Lotus Elise going the other way on I-65
* Find a good home for a twirling light show lamp I've had for years
* Learn how to stop a nosebleed quickly
* Listen to Captain Underpants jokes read to me from the backseat
* Discover that it's a lot easier to fit a kid into your life once you learn to make room