Hark, The Uncouth Husband Speaks

Alright, we've already established that I am drafty and indecent.

Now, after visiting Shandon Baptist Church last night with Lope, to see her dad sing with the Christmas choir, it turns out I'm fairly blasphemous as well.

I don't know if you've ever been to Shandon Baptist Church, but I certainly had not, and the moment I walked into this four-thousand seat, double-tiered acoustically perfect brand new facility with orchestra pit and 150-member choral area, my first and natural reaction was to yell, "Good God! Look at this place!"

Penny helpfully punched me in the appendix.

In fact, my side was still sore twenty minutes later when I spotted the soundboard. They must have had eighteen dozen little orange lights and sliders and graphic displays of what the church audio system was doing, and no sooner had I caught sight of this array and the headphoned fellow manning it than I blurted out, "Jesus! Look at that setup!"

She decked me right in the halls.

Of course, though, the involuntary sacrilege wasn't finished. At the highlight of the performance, at the very finish of an exquisitely moving rendition of "Silent Night," my lovely wife turned to me and asked how I liked it. You can probably guess how I earned my third spousal abuse. Not taking my eyes off the stage, I leaned over and whispered "Holy shit, that was awesome!"

Sorry about that. I have no excuse. My mom raised me right and everything. Maybe I'll improve now, though, with Lope around to impart the timely violence and all. I think that could work.

Lord Almighty, that woman can punch.