Run for your Lives!

Fear grips the city of Columbia -- and indeed the whole of the region -- as a devastating tragedy looms ever nearer. Citizens secure themselves indoors, glued to televisions and radios, stockpiling bread and milk.

Schools announce their closings and delays twelve hours ahead of time, scrolling their disaster schedules below the evening news.* Our apartment complex warns residents to "Leave Faucets Dripping!" lest they freeze and burst, wreaking havoc on our placid community.

Seriously, log off now, don't read another word. Make sure your loved ones are safe. Check your rations. Write your memoirs. And for goodness' sake, don't go outside.

Haven't you heard?

We might get a snow flurry tonight.

* actually happened


Megan said...

That is so funny. I've been through a pipe-freeze ONCE in my life and I'm originally from Maine. And the weather was about Zero or below zero for several days in a row before they froze. Good stuff.

Thomas said...

It's a serious emergency, for real, if you have to drive with these crazed Southerners today. Yankees do snow right!

penelope said...

I made sure to get bread and milk last night! And I have my shotgun by the door in case anyone comes in to steal em' from me. (spits)

Anonymous said...

The horror... the horror!

It snowed for the first time in over 50 years while I was attending college in Southwest Texas (my first year of college at Southwest Texas State University in San Marcos). It snowed three whole inches. There were no classes for 4 days. We went sledding on trays from the cafeteria and someone broke my window throwing a snowball at it. The snowball was composed almost entirely of pebbles glued together with three flakes of snow and some spit. As a stalwart Canadian who grew up in a climate verging damn close to Tundra with the sound of a zamboni ringing in her ears and a crush on a boy who had his own dog sledding team, I found all my classmates who had never seen snow in their lives to be awfully endearing... and complete pussies.

xo Wee (the Rugged)

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

THAT is hilarious! Know any sources of wood? We are looking for some to ward off the chill. JaN

Anonymous said...

Wimpy South Carolina folk.

Hey, are you happy about your Colts victory? Were you out dancing in the streets (in the snow flurries) until the wee hours of the morning?

Anonymous said...

There's like five inches of snow on the ground in Indy right now, and yet, miraculously, 60,000 people filled the RCA Dome to watch one of the most nail-biting games in NFL history last night. AND WE WON!!!!! We're going to the Superbowl!!! Woo Hoo! Y'all don't know nothin' 'bout no snow!
Peace out- YS

Anonymous said...

I had to laugh because that's pretty much how it is here in western Oregon. I have a friend who grew up in eastern Idaho (near Yosemite), who delivers blazing sermons on the idiocy of closing school over half an inch of snow. I try to deflect by pointing out those idiot Californians, who stop driving when it RAINS. Can you believe that nonsense?

Guess it's all relative to what you're used to!