So Can We Have Some Candy, Or Are You a REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER?

I'll tell you, these kids get craftier every year. First they set up a third holiday where they primary activity consists of giving them stuff, then they declare that they all get candy whether they show up on your doorstep in full costume or just wearing baggy pants and an ironic t-shirt ("What are you supposed to be?" "I'm supposed to be hanging out with somebody a lot cooler than you, grandpa.")

Now they've got it rigged so that anyone who's a sex offender must stay in the house, with all the lights off, and not give out candy this Halloween.

Of course, drive through your neighborhood this evening (or try skipping out on your holiday glucose distribution responsibilities) and you'll see how the converse is also true:

Anyone who stays in the house, with all the lights off, and doesn't give out candy this Halloween must be a sex offender.



"Our agents will be out in force, checking on sex offenders, to ensure that they stay behind locked doors, in dark houses, with absolutely no contact with 'trick-or-treaters' on Halloween night," said Tom Hoffman, California Department of Correction and Rehabilitation director of parole.

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