Turn Your Office Emails Into Lousy Poetry

Here's all you have to do: simply add a few choice phrases to every sentence, endowing each thought with rich metaphorical import. Here's a few Lousy Poetry staples to get you started.

*****

Thank you, YOU CRUEL, UNSORROWFUL HARPY, again for attending this afternoon’s DEW-SOAKED informational session for the proposed collaboration OF LOVE'S SOFT DECEIPT. Attached please find the powerpoint document used at the session, ALONG WITH MY FATHER'S ANCIENT LAUGHTER. Thank you for your interest MASQUERADING AS SLUMBERING DEATH in doing business with our organization THAT WEPT BY THE MOSSY STONES, LEADING TO THE POND WHERE SHE CLUTCHED HER INNOCENCE AND SCRAPED RAW THE ORCHIDS THAT HER GOD LIED ABOUT, THE ORCHIDS THAT REVEALED THEMSELVES BY THEIR WITHERING TO BE - AT LAST - HER LIFE.